How to stop feeling like a failure

How to close the integrity gap so you can stop feeling like a failure

Alright ladies who out there puts an insane amount of pressure on themselves? Regardless of how much you do, how much you give, how much you accomplish you find yourself feeling inadequate? Feeling like you can never do enough? 

I for one am 150% guilty of this. My entire life has been about looking ahead to what is next. My mind is going a mile a minute thinking about what goals I "should" be reaching for. Constantly putting this immense pressure on myself to be all I can be. And while yes this is great... Recently I've learned just how detrimental this way of thinking can be to your own peace, happiness, and performance. 

If you're consistently thinking about what more you can do, feeling as though you can never do enough.. well then you will never feel at peace with where you are. You will diminish all your accomplishment and sense of self worth. 

Which is not ok! But there's hope! 

Let me tell you about a little thing called The Integrity Gap that I was schooled on lately. 

The Integrity Gap

In short the integrity gap is the space between what you are capable of and what you are actually doing in your life....

Imagine a set of lines 

  • The upper line represents what you are capable of being. The expectations for your potential.

  • The lower line represents who/what you are actually being/doing.

  • If there is a gap between these two lines, this is called the Integrity Gap. This gap is filled with depression, anxiety and general icky feelings.

Capable Potential

<- Integrity Gap -> 

Actual Self

To experience happiness and fulfillment the goal is to close the gap. Easy right!? ;) 

Well if you are like me and constantly feel like "I can never do enough"  you are most likely one hell of an overachiever and hold yourself to the highest possible standard. Which is something to be proud of! 

But let me ask you this.... are you holding yourself to too high of a standard? Are the expectations you are putting on yourself fair? 

If you are consistently giving your all to what you are doing and still feel as though you can not do enough... probably not. 

The Solution - Give yourself a little more grace! If you want those anxious feelings to settle down - in the moment ask yourself am I living from a place of virtue. Are you giving it your personal best based on where you are at in your life right now? Are you leading with your own integrity? 

  • If yes allow yourself to lower any unfair expectations you might have for yourself a bit.

  • If no increase your actions so they are aligned with your virtues.

Train yourself to pause when you feel those icky "I'm not doing enough" thoughts creep in and ask yourself “Am I doing the best I can at this moment?” Am I giving it the best of me? Am I leading with my integrity?... when you say yes, you will learn to BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE DOING ENOUGH.

It's a process for sure but it all starts with bringing light to the fact that it might not just be your actions that need to increase, it's not that you are not enough... it's probably also partially that you expect an unfair amount from yourself. 

So lead with your own integrity, give yourself some credit for once,  and feel that sense of peace grow from within!